Today was actually a great day. I woke up this morning, got ready and ran a few errands. Checked my facebook like always. Had lunch with the family. Then Christian's therapist came over for therapy. We ate dinner. And then went to the park for a walk and some playtime with the kids.
I just finished watching the last episode of Shania Twain's Why Not? I am listening to "Today is your Day," while writing this post. I must say that watching Shania's journey to finding her voice was really inspiring to me. A lot of what she was feeling pertained to myself in many different ways. For one, Shania was in a grieving process from the death of both parents. I related this to my brother's diagnosis of autism. To me it was like a grieving process of the loss of my little brother. My brother doesn't have any speech, along with other factors autism comes with. So it's almost like I lost him.
I've always considered myself to be hard headed and almost always I kept my feelings to myself. I considered crying to be a weakness. The last thing I want is for people to see me at my weakest when I have always been considered strong. Never was I one to seek for help instead I would encourage myself to help others regardless of the situation I was in. I have had many people tell me that counseling or seeing a therapist would be best for me. It's a bit absurd because even though I appreciate therapists and counselors sometimes all we really need is for us to find ourselves without the help of therapists. Most of us just need people we can relate to so we know that we are not alone. Shania's journey was to find her voice, but also to help out others that pertained to her situation. She did exactly what she set out to do.
I have learned that it is okay to cry and let those feelings out. It's what makes us humans. I still have issues with self confidence, and being myself without mockery. I am working on it slowly, but surely as I am a work in progress. Life has brought me so many incredible opportunities and I am taking it one day at a time. Because "today is your day."
You got what it takes you can win
You got what it takes you can win
Today is your day to begin
Don't give up here, Don't cha quit
The moment is now, This is it
I know that you can then you will
Get to the top of the hill
Part of the fun is the climb
You just gotta make up your mind
{chorus}
Today is your day
And nothing can stand in your way
Today is your day
Everything's going your way
Today, Today, Today, Today
When somebody throws sticks and stones
All they can break are your bones
And life's gonna kick you around
Then kick you again when you're down
Brush yourself up, No regrets
This is as good as it gets
Don't expect more or less
Just go out and give it your best
ps hopefully I will see Shania Twain perform at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas in 2012 (*fingers crossed)
Today has been a great day. I feel really good.
California is having strange weather considering it's summer (technically). It's foggy and depressing; it would be better if it was raining. However, for the past few days I have started to go on daily runs and I honestly feel great. During my Spring semester of college I would hit the gym daily. I would run on the treadmill for as long as I can until I felt the need to collapse. I really love high intensity workouts because I always feel great afterwards. However, since the semester is over I haven't been able to go to the gym because of the cost. Speaking of cost, my ortho called me a few days ago to schedule an appointment because I might need braces again. For now I am trying to save up for a retainer because braces are highly expensive. My other option would be invisilign but those are much more expensive than the braces themselves. My doctor called me a bad patient because I only wore my retainer for a year and then stopped. FML
So I just feel like rambling a little bit before I go to bed. For some reason my mind works best at 1 something in the morning. Anyways, today it was raining which is kind of appalling because it's summer. So I pretty much just stayed in the house and did nothing. I honestly am going stir crazy because my mind needs to be challenged constantly. I can't just sit and do nothing. I need to learn something. But now that the spring semester is over. I am just BORED!! When I was in college I was working my brain 24/7 to the point of emotional/mental breakdown. It's not as bad as it seems though. I like working under constant stress for some strange reason. This reminds of astrology. I am a Virgo. And it scares me to point out that I fit every characteristic under Virgos. Now I am not one who believes in horoscopes, but it really scares me sometimes.
Here are some of the characteristics of Virgos:
Modest and shy
Meticulous and reliable
Practical and diligent
Intelligent and analytical (okay the whole analytical thing is true to some extent. In my college class I couldn't write an essay that included analysis. I think at one point my English prof was fed up with my college essays. However, I do analyze every single aspect of my life)
On the dark side....
Fussy and a worrier
Overcritical and harsh
Perfectionist and conservative
It's so true!!
This is probably why I can never date. Because I have high expectations of men. I mean it's good to have standards but mine are over the top that I am too embarrassed to write it out.
** on a side note: I learned that the word 'hooray' is actually spelled horay! For the past 12 years I have been spelling the word wrong. Even the computer is telling me that horay is spelled wrong when it reality it's spelled correctly.
Back to dating. During my 19 years of life I have only been asked out twice and declined both times. I don't feel guilty about it because I have my morals and obviously my high standards. To be honest, I just don't have time to date. I'm far too busy with school, work and family. Right now those are my top priorities. I didn't even include friends in that micro list.
So I am listening to Hilary Duff's song Why Not and all I can say to myself is where the hell did my childhood go? It's come to the point where I realized that life moves way too fast. I need to cherish everyday as if I were to die tomorrow. Recently, I started to contemplate writing a letter (old school right?) to a friend I lost contact with months ago. I want to relive memories that I had with her. I have lost so many people during my short life that I refuse to lose any more people. Even though facebook has made me stay in contact with my past it's not the same as to hanging out with them. I rather not have to cyber socially with them. I would much rather go out for coffee and chat. In regards to facebook, not everyone has a facebook account. Anyways, back to my friend. We would hang out all the time. The only memories I have of her are the foolish videos when we were immature and pictures. I think that writing the letter makes it much more personal. There are just so many people I want to connect with: childhood friends, elementary/jr high/high school teachers, old buddies, professors, distant family members, and so on and so forth. I have faith though, the world really is small and hopefully I will have the chance to run into them...some day.
I'm off to bed. My bff Kali is texting me and I haven't talked to her in a while.
Good Night!!
So I have been doing some thinking actually a lot of thinking and sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was rich or poor?
After watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians; I get so jealous because they have the opportunity to travel and see the world. They don't seem to have financial struggles and everyday it seems that their lives are perfect. I mean how cool would it be to have almost everything you wanted? Most people die without ever having what they really want. I guess I see it as a form of financial security which at the moment I don't have at all. I work two jobs and my family works, and its barely enough to keep our heads above water, but it's never enough to actually do something fun like going to Disneyland. I just hate having to feel incompetent. I was actually looking to find a third job, but between college I just can't do it. I mean probably I can do it, but I will end up as a zombie for the rest of my life and that is no fun. What I really want is to be financially secure for life. But I ask myself the question: can money really buy you happiness? Money can buy you a house but not a home. Money can buy you sex but not true love. Money can buy you a college tuition but not a degree. In my family we are always fighting about money. My aunt is so over her head in money that she bought a BMW just to show it off and it honestly disgusts me. Yet, even though she bought her dream car she is not happy. She is Cruella. She will end up having what she wants but she is not taking any material possessions down to her grave. If someone offered me a billion dollars just for exhaling and turning it into carbon dioxide. I wouldn't take it. Because thinking it over money won't buy me happiness. Money is only a tool. If my parents died; money won't bring them back. If I failed a college class; money won't help me pass. People die over money. It's almost like a form of evil; heck what I am saying it is evil. Money can turn people into an egotist. Money is the root of all evil. People love it and hate it. ( I am so scattered, but it's almost midnight so I have an excuse).
What I really trying to say is that money won't buy you happiness regardless of anything else. I would go on further but I am so exhausted. It's been a long day and writing about money just gives me a massive headache.
Hello Everyone, Yesterday, I was looking at the different police academy's in California just to get an idea when I enter. I recently looked at one academy that is about an hour away from where I live. I looked at the requirements and I meet them all, however I am only 19 and still naive. I feel that there is still a lot to learn about life and who knows I might change my mind. Being a police officer is probably one of the greatest things that I could ever do. The thought of serving and protecting people is so fascinating to me. I have always wanted to make a difference in the lives of people. Even now, I am always willing to help others with homework, personal issues, and everything in between. I feel like I really have a "gift" to help others and quite frankly I am pretty good at it. I guess what first inspired me to be a police officer was the TV show "Roseanne." The TV show focuses on real life issues. It's not like the TV now a days where everything is glamorized and people live in gargantuan penthouses/mansions and wear Gucci and Prada. Well anyways, Roseanne's sister Jackie (coincidence?) has always struggled to maintain relationships and honestly she really didn't know what to do with her life. Until then, she has held many jobs until one day she decided to want to be a cop because she "will gain the respect from others." Seeing Jackie as confident and in love with her job made me want to follow in her footsteps. Another thing that inspired me was the movie Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock and Rush Hour with Jackie Chan (again coincidence?). What freaks me out the most is the physical training at the academy. Not I'm not in bad shape, but I could be in BETTER shape. Just this past semester at college I religiously went to the gym as much as I can. I feel healthier and more energetic which seemed to help. I recently read the requirements in regards to the physical part of the test and I was panicking. Apparently I need to be required to: * run a 99 yard obstacle course * scale a 6 foot solid wall with a 25 yard run out * scale a 6 foot chain link fence with a 25 yard run out * run 500 yards * complete a 32 foot dead weight body drag (165lbs!! Lord help me) Did I mention that I can't do a push up, curl up, sit up to save my life? I guess I should start training now?Overall, I think becoming a police officer is probably one the best things I can do. It will make me much stronger and much more confident.Do you think I have future in the police business? <3 Jackie
